Muslim-American Women Speak Out About the Hymenoplasty Panic

By Diana Jou

There have been a lot of morally panicked responses to the New York Times article about those crazy rich Muslim women getting revirginified. I agree with those (Feministing, Jezebel, Slate) who have argued that the importance of virginity in society and especially in religion is not only misguided but dangerous, in that it has prompted violence against women. But I am also concerned about the conclusion being drawn by some commentators: Muslim women are not empowered, Islam makes people do crazy things, and they are so backwards.

These sentiments came through in some of the responses on feminist blogs. For example, Megan Carpentier of Jezebel said, “Those woman, as you might guess, are looking to avoid the fate of the Muslim woman whose husband was allowed to annul their marriage because she wasn’t a virgin or, you know, beatings or honor killings or being shunned by your family and expelled from your community, stuff like that.”

Plenty of non-Muslims seemed more than willing to chime in in this manner. I chose a different route. Instead of talking about Muslim women as though they were some sort of strange, helpless mythological figure, why not talk to them about the story? I was lucky enough to work on a book project with some outrageously funny, super creative, incredibly stylish, and flat-out smart Muslim women at the University of California, Irvine. Most of them identify strongly with Islam and some have decided to be the first in their family to adorn a hijab (head scarf), despite the protests of their parents. Others practice more privately, but all of them redefine what it means to be strong, empowered Muslim women in America.

Here’s what some of them had to say about the article:

“It is looked down upon to lose your virginity before marriage, but its also dishonest to fake your virginity to your spouse. If one chooses to lose her virginity and chooses not to practice Islam, she should own up rather than play a hypocritical role and fake her faith. Likewise, if one chooses to be sexually active before marriage, by choosing a spouse that is looking for a virgin, she is subscribing to a particular lifestyle that she may not want for herself. It is unfair to both.” - L. Shalkley

“Islamically, it’s the duty of the husband and wife to be honest with each other. But the husband is supposed to be as much as a virgin as the wife is. I think this article is more culturally biased in the sense that the rules of ‘proving virginity’ differ by regions and cultures, and by focusing more on local traditions than Islamic rule (but which are often disguised as being the correct Islamic way), the woman is put under more scrutiny than the man because of the anatomical difference apparent in non-virgins. While the notion of ‘boys will be boys’ remains and the men are never questioned as their future wives are going through dishonest methods of shielding the truth. What’s worse is that this pressure to be a virgin stems from families of girls and in-laws and the act of asking for proof has always weirded me out. But I’ve heard similar stories from a few Armenian Orthodox Christian friends I had and I thought it was the most bizarre thing.” - N. Meyer

“The idea of being ‘checked’ for virginity is a very cultural custom, and as far as I know, not religious at all. Yes, pre-marital sex is prohibited in Islam, however I have never known it a custom or encouraged at all to ask these sorts of things. As the imam states on the last page, Islam encourages forgiveness. If these women led lives in which they did these sort of things and then happened to return to Islam, becoming more religious, then honestly it’s not anyone’s business what they did beforehand.” - Z. Ahmad

They all make good points in distinguishing between cultural traditions and religious piety. The mainstream media is biased when it comes to covering Islam and women, focusing too much on the tired narrative that Muslim women are zealots who need to be liberated and introduced to the productive forward thinking of modern times.

But let’s take a minute to put this latest cosmetic trend in perspective. In many ways hymenoplasty is a realization of a sexual fantasy. It’s a cosmetic operation that grew out of wishful thinking, like so many others. It used to be you could only wish for fuller breasts, juicier lips, and a straighter nose–now these are all attainable. (You can even get double eyelids and lengthen your legs.) So we have to be careful about examining hymenoplasty in a vacuum, separating it from the surrounding culture, and condemning as a strictly Muslim phenomenon. If the women featured in the article need to be “liberated” from the expectations that led them to seek out hymenoplasties, then so too do millions of secular Americans and Europeans.